Recently i came across a couple of interesting articles on human psychology. Few cases, blogs, writing shared by professional therapists councillors about the real root cause of conflicts between parents and adult child amazed me.
It's not Difference of opinion, it's not argumentative nature, it's not generation gap either. The real reason of conflicts between adult child and parents is over possessiveness and too much attachment. Parents identify themselves in their child forgetting its just another human being with a life path first and then the child. They want their children to be successful, grow in life but not so much that they have to physically distance themselves from parents for their further growth. Overly loving Father wants to be the most important person in his son's life and anyone or anything the son gives more time ,importance to is disliked by father for no real reason. An overly possessive mother wants her daughter to be successful but not at the cost of leaving her hand and Flying high if she needs to. She identifies herself in her. Things that she wanted to do ,achieve in her youth are the things efficiently ticked by her daughter in her to-do list. Parents with such mentality can't stop re-living their past as young parents of toddlers and they treat their adult children as if they are still toddlers. they struggle to believe and have faith that children will always love them and be there for them no matter what. Nobody can replace parents.the need to be most important person in their children's life & continually treating them as if they are still toddlers is way stronger than accepting the fact that they are adult individuals and have life of their own. The adult children are evolving literally at the speed of light due to technology, accessibility to knowledge and lifestyle.
unknowingly some parents make their children feel guilty about their success and growth. They are made to feel their success is useless cause parents are unhappy.
Some stay strong and move on with life and learn to balance their time dividing between their parents and the newer generation they are still learning to parent while persuing their infinite life goals together with their life partners.
Some, out of guilt or frustration give up on their dreams take 10steps back to be with their overly loving parents, Deal with the regret and unknowingly carry forward that regret in their subconscious mind. The suppressed frustration, unfulfilled dreams haunt them as they grow old ,start making sacrifices for the newer generation and The vicious cycle continues.
It's important that anyone and everyone who s willing to be a parent must have their own life goals. Have mental and physical health targets, unhealthy life can cause you immense suffering as you grow older and the adult children get dragged in your suffering .instead be open to their ideas their life choices. Every generation is a updated software. Be open to update yours along with them. Most importantly, set your children free. Cause some relationships are like sand the tighter you hold the faster it escapes through your fingers.